I would like to let you know that there are a small number of people out there who are like me. I am an abusive man. I was psychologically abusive to someone who I cared about more than anything in the whole world, and I lost her because of it. I am currently seeking help from a number of sources. I am in a group for assaultive men and an anger management group. I am also doing some one on one counseling for depression and low self esteem.
When I was still in a relationship, I knew something was wrong I spent a lot of time agonizing over how I treated the person I loved, but it wasn't until she kicked me out and wrote me a note that I realized I was abusive. I didn't even know that psychological abuse existed. I also would never have described my father as abusive, even though I had stopped talking to him two months earlier because he threatened to "kick my ass".
The reason I am writing you is two fold. First I believe that most men will never seek help until they hit rock bottom, and in the case of my father he may never seek help. There are those of us though, who are different. My former girlfriend was the first girl I ever loved, and who loved me. I am 26 and I didn't meet her until I was 25. My self esteem is so low it took that long. As soon as I realized what I am, and where I came from I sought help.
It is very discouraging to look on the internet and not see a lot of encouragement for people like me to get help to change. I learned stuff from my father, that I don't like. I am doing my best to change that. I am also on the verge of suicide as I bear to think what I did to what could have been the best thing that ever happened to me.
I agree that it is far safer for a woman to get out of a relationship with an abusive man. I think Julie (my former girlfriend) did the right thing, but don't give up on people like us. We can change. Most of the people in my group are in there on probation. I am not, I sought help right away, as soon as I knew there was a problem. Statistically I cannot be the only one out there, willing to change.
I would be willing to answer any questions you may have. Please continue to help both men and women, who need it.
Yes, there are men who want to change and who do change. Please keep the positive attitude you have now and the good work and you will make it. Your relationship with Julie may be over, but there will be another woman in the future. You can have a wonderful, lasting relationship built on mutual respect.