Despite my mom's narcissistic tendencies, it never justified my dad's physical aggression towards her.
In turn, when my mom became upset from the altercations, I was the one who suffered her wrath.
To clarify, this wasn't disciplinary action. It involved her consuming an excessive amount of alcohol, instructing me to undress, lie in the bathtub, and then she'd choose the most painful spot to hit me.
By the time I was in high school, she had lost her custody rights over me, and I was living with my dad until the age of 17. When he found a new target for his aggression (his girlfriend at the time), I was kicked out, possibly to eliminate any potential witnesses.
Though my mom claimed she had improved, her narcissism persisted, leading to ongoing emotional abuse.
With this in mind, I am determined to ensure that if I have children, they will never endure the kind of abuse I experienced, nor will they ever wish for their own demise as I did from a young age.
I've been diagnosed with PTSD, depression, and mild anxiety. The scars from witnessing and being a victim of my mom's abuse linger, and I wish I could erase those memories, but I can't.
Such experiences are something I wouldn't wish on anyone, not even my worst enemy.
Unveiling the Tragic Reality: A Deep Dive into Domestic Violence and its Fatal Consequences
I'm truly sorry to hear about the immense pain and suffering you've endured. No child should ever have to go through such experiences. It's incredibly brave of you to share your story, and it's a testament to your strength and resilience.
Firstly, please know that what happened to you was not your fault. You deserved a childhood filled with love, safety, and warmth, and it's deeply unfair that you were deprived of that. The courage you've shown by surviving and speaking about your experiences is truly admirable.
It's important to recognize the progress you've already made by acknowledging your past and understanding its impact on your present. Your commitment to breaking the cycle of abuse and ensuring a safer future for potential children is a powerful stance against the injustices you faced.
Here are a few suggestions that might help you on your journey to healing:
Seek Support: Continue working with mental health professionals who understand trauma and can offer the support you need. Therapy can be a safe space to process your experiences and develop coping strategies.
Find Your Community: Connect with support groups or online communities of people who have had similar experiences. Sharing your story and hearing others' can be incredibly healing.
Celebrate Small Victories: Healing from trauma is a gradual process, and it's important to recognize and celebrate your progress, no matter how small it may seem.
Explore Healing Practices: Consider incorporating practices that promote mental and emotional well-being, such as mindfulness, meditation, journaling, or art. These can offer a constructive outlet for expressing and processing your feelings.
Set Boundaries: It's okay to distance yourself from toxic relationships, even if they are with family members. Protecting your peace and well-being is paramount.
Educate Yourself: Learning about the effects of trauma, PTSD, depression, and anxiety can empower you to understand your reactions and needs better.
Remember, healing is not linear, and there will be ups and downs. It's okay to have moments of weakness or doubt. What's important is that you keep moving forward, at your own pace, towards a future where you can feel safe, valued, and happy.
You are not alone, and you have already shown incredible strength by surviving and seeking a better life for yourself. Hold on to hope, and know that it's possible to build a life filled with love, peace, and happiness, even after experiencing such deep pain. You are worthy of all the good that life has to offer.