I am a 40 year old woman, who has been with my current boyfriend 2 1/2 years..
Before, him, I was married to my "first love" for 15 years. Too young, would be our problem, fighting between us was there, not alot of hitting, some, both ways... After our divorce, he lost it, I had to get a 5 year res. order. He almost killed, he broke my nose, both check bones, knocked my teeth back so far (I no longer have any feeling of nerves, just lose teeth, cracked teeth, no money to fix), he kicked me so hard I had pneomonia.
After all that I then find a "drunk" who loves me so much-yet- he cant work, but he takes total control of my life- and I let him....3 years without my parents (not specking to me, saying if he kills you, we will not bury you) more black eyes, broken nose, and again chipped teeth. This one was more "mental" abuse.. After 3. years he got tried of me (thank god) and found another victim.
My current boyfriend- My soulmate- at the beginning...He works hard, takes care of me. The first hit (in the face, why always the face?) about 2 years into the relationship, drinking, played a big part of this fight. He says my "mouth" is the main reason. This last one 3 days ago, on my 40 birthday, we were out with my friends, he hits on my friend, "my mouth" my bitching" got me, my hair pulled (he tried to throw me out of "his house" by my hair 3 times.) again the face<my bone into my eyes on my nose is chipped, my already-never-healed-checkbones (gift from my "first man in my life" the bones in my checks never went back together, every morning putting on my make-up that gift is felt) and of course, that chipped tooth...my smile is horrible, not because I dont brush my teeth, but because of 3 men in my life who all said they loved me...
Getting hit in the face, really ages you....I really want out..I am getting too old to be hit on..Maybe, it is my fault... Maybe, like they all have said "you deserve ever hit you ever got,that nobody could live you" Maybe they are all right.
No, they are not right. Absolutely no one deserves to be hit anywhere including the face. You do not deserve this.
Unfortunately, you cannot count on any of these men to ever recognize that hitting is wrong or to change. It is up to you to take charge of your own life and to set things up so you are not abused.
It sounds to me like your self-esteem is very low. It is hard to have high self-esteem when you have been beaten and especially when your face has been so damaged. I recommend you find a domestic violence counselor or support group to help you. A good place to start is to call a Victim Advocate with the District Attorney's office in your county. They are very sensitive to your needs for privacy and can help you find someone to help. Perhaps there is a free support group with one of the Safe Houses near where you live.